Juxtaposed
by BubuzukeOnna
Summary: Natsuki takes Nao to visit her mother in the hospital post HiME festival. This takes place in an AU where Nao's mother does not get revived in the reset.Disclaimer:ShizNat and the HiMEverse are owned by Sunrise.


"You don't have to decide today, ok?"

"Ok, yea, let me think about it"

Natsuki chewed her lip, sucking in a slow cool breathe of air. Decisions and surprises were not so easy a thing as her friend's smooth gate toward the school building.

"I still don't know how you put up with that bitch."

The acidic tone of Nao's voice roused Natsuki from her thoughts. The younger girl's arms were folded, a disgusted expression painting her face as she too watched the student council president walk away.

"Yukariko sure picked some odd people to fill her shoes." Natsuki's statement was laced with venom, her long black hair snapping behind her like a whip as she abruptly turned to face Nao.

"Tell me about it"

"Pretty sure 'bitch' wasn't one of the Lord's words" Natsuki said, rolling her eyes.

"Like I give a shit?"

"You spend your afternoons lecturing other students about it, so..."

"Don't tell me you think I volunteered to do this? ...man, you ARE an idiot..."

Natsuki clenched her jaw, took a deep breath in through her nostrils, and turned away. "Are we going?" She asked dully.

The sound of shoes stomping heavily across the pavement became louder. Nao laughed dryly, and pushed the taller girl to the side while walking past.

"So what, now you're a saint?" The skin at the sides of Nao's eyes crinkled in accusation, the shade of green deepening almost to black in the shadow.

"No."

"Just Neko-Natsuki then? Your owner teaching you some new tricks? Making you take an anger management course?"

Natsuki's clenched fists pawed at the side of her hips, searching for pockets that didn't exist.

"God damn, you two are just so fucking smug...think you know everything... I have to do this infernal Sister Nao shit so I won't get kicked out of Fuuka. That drunken twit Midori narced about what I'd been doing before she went to go make nerd spawn with her geriatric Indiana Jones..."

The fire in the girl's voice almost matched her chin length shock of hair.

The sight of her bike lessened Natsuki's tension, once the motor started she wouldn't be able to hear anymore.

Her hands flexed and gripped the handles as she waited for Nao to slide in behind her. If she hadn't already agreed to take the ingrate to the hospital, she would have left her there and made sure to kick up some dirt before she left.

* * *

However sweet the distant drive had been, after parking, Nao resumed complaining. The sounds of her heart pounding pushed at Natsuki's ears, her face flushed crimson, her pocket-free fists itched to hit something. She had never been very good at holding her temper. By the time they reached the elevator and the doors slid silently shut, she couldn't control herself any longer.

"Nao!"

"What?"

"How many siblings does Shizuru have?"

"_._..huh..."

"What's her favorite colour?"

"What the hell..."

"What kinds of beliefs does she have?"

"How the hell should..."

"You don't know anything about her, do you?"

"What hell is up with you Kuga? She's rich and arrogant, she has it easy. She's a selfish brat... there's nothing else to know!"

"And you're low class trash with no money, so you're ill-tempered and bad mannered...there's nothing more to you than that either right?"

"Hey, that's not...!"

"That's not what?" she cut the other girl off, shouting. "You pass judgment on her without even knowing anything but what you think is obvious about her. You do that to everyone and think you have the right to punish and mess with people! But if you're the one bringing justice isn't that the same as thinking you're better? It's YOU who's selfish, YOU don't care about anyone but yourself!"

"Fuck you! You know I care about someone!" Nao's face had reached as deep a shade as Natsuki's.

"Liar. You use your mom like a crutch, to justify fucking up your life and the lives of everyone around you. "

Natsuki made no move to escape the hand that flew at her. Her expression didn't change, despite the red welt that rose and stung on her cheek.

"You're a hypocrite Kuga Natsuki" Nao folded her arms tightly to her chest, her eyes turned downward boring holes into the floor.

"... I know. At least...I was...That's...why I'm saying this," Natsuki muttered quietly.

A bell signaled the elevator doors were about to open.

Silent once more, they made their way down the hallway to the room number Nao had been given. Flourescent lights hummed and flickered. The sickly sweet smell that only other hospitals seemed to be able to reproduce turned Natsuki's stomach.

There were nothing but bad memories linked to these things. The glaring angry white of the walls, the lights, the uniforms. The way doctors and nurses in long coats and dresses floated past like ghosts.

Nao's fists were also clenched at her sides.. The girl's steps slowed as they approached the door. Her hand hesitated on the handle before opening it.

Natsuki waited behind, watching. The bad memories began sneaking their way in. Her mother. Water. Sirens. Hospitals. Doctors. Blood. Pain. She balled up some of her skirt material in her fists, and moved it uneasily with her thumbs.

Nao's mother lay in a bed, machines pulsed and blinked, the only signs of life. The younger girl was silent, smaller somehow than she'd been before. Her shoulder sagged, her feet shuffled as she lingered in the entry.

This was a different Nao. Not a rebellious bad ass, just a little girl slowly ambling across the floor to hold her mother's hand.

It was a familiar scene for Natsuki, visions of her own mother played before her eyes. Her mother who had also never woken. Sadness and empathy snuffed out the embers of her earlier rage.

* * *

Insults still burned in Nao's ears, but it was difficult to maintain any other emotion save helplessness while she was near her mother. It was enough to try to keep her tears from showing.

Why did this never stop hurting? No matter how many times she visited, the tears always came.

Glancing to the doorway where Natsuki stood, her eyes and jaw widened. There were tears streaming down the older girl's ordinarily stoic face. It broke her resistance. She collapsed into the chair beside her mother's bed, still holding her hand. Her shoulders shook, and a strangled sob clawed it's way from deep within her chest. She leaned her head on her mother's arm, and spoke in halted shudders.

"I am selfish. I know I am... I killed her. Fujino killed Julia, but she wouldn't have done it if I... if I hadn't... I...and maybe they fixed it and brought her back...but I can't forget that...I'm worse then them..."

Through her shirt, she felt the warmth of a hand on her shoulder . The older girl had probably only meant to comfort her, but her rage returned anyway. She found herself standing and pushing her. There was no attempt to defend or fight back, and yet she couldn't stop. She just continued to cry, relentlessly punching and pushing.

Eventually she had backed Natsuki into a wall, unable move away any further. For several minutes fists rained down on shoulders and chest. The dark haired girl simply stood as her own tears still fell silently from her eyes.

When Nao ran out of energy, Natsuki's strong arms caught her and pulled her into an embrace. She buried her face in the girl's jacket collar. The gentle security of being held made her cry even harder.

"Why... Why!... I hate them, I HATE THEM... they took everything... I just wanted to hurt them so much... I wanted to stop them, make them pay... but I just ended up..." Her voice trailed off.

"I don't know why Nao... but... I understand... I asked that too for a long time...I still do sometimes."

Natsuki held Nao without saying anything further until the crying seemed to abate.

"You know... I keep thinking, I could have been you... and you could have been me... so easily..." Natsuki stared at the ceiling.

"...hnn...you said something like that before..."

"I should thank you, I think... I'm not sure I would have realized what I was becoming, and what was stopping me.. if it weren't for you..." Natsuki continued "they wouldn't want us to be this way you know..."

"Yea..I know"

Nao turned her face to look back to where her mother lay. She stepped back and straightened her outfit, wiping away her tears. Natsuki did the same.

"I didn't think you could cry...guess titles don't matter much..."

"Nah..losing someone hurts no matter who you are."

"...I don't know if I know how to be.. any different..."

"Me either."

"You seem different though..."

"Really?"

"Yea...kinda pisses me off"

"Hah... I guess, maybe it's that I'm just glad to have a second chance... I can't see her smile anymore, but I think I want to do things that I imagine would make her smile..."

"That sounds...I could try..."

Silence fell over them again. Nao returned to the bed side and kissed her mother's forehead, before they made their way back to the parking lot.

"Don't.. uh... tell anyone I cried... ok..." Nao glared in warning.

"If you don't tell anyone _I_ cried." Natsuki snapped, returning the glare...

"Deal."

* * *

When they returned to school, Natsuki drove her bike up to the front of the chapel. There Shizuru was waiting, a small gaggle of girls dispersed at her arrival. They were gone by the time she turned off the engine.

"Natsuki, Yuuki-san" Shizuru bowed her head and smiled in greeting.

The warm smile made Nao's eyebrows crinkle, her mouth twitching as if to smile back. Instead, she nodded in acknowledgment and slid off the bike.

"Thanks for the ride, Kuga."

"No problem".

"Later"

"Later" Natsuki repeated.

Her eyes followed as Nao disappeared through the chapel doors. Several times Natsuki had been on the verge of telling, more like screaming, that it was Shizuru who had convinced her father to anonymously pay for Nao's mother to be moved into better care. But that was part of Shizuru's own path to making things right. Natsuki had resisted, and kept her friend's secret.

"Shizuru.." she began awkwardly "thank you for trying to help, but.. I think I'm going to stay the extra year even if I don't have to...it's not that..."

"They need Natsuki as much as Natsuki needs them. "

She sighed in relief that she didn't ever seem to need to explain herself with her friend.

"I'm glad, actually, that you made that choice. I'm happy Natsuki has made more friends. It also means you trust that I'll come back." Shizuru's sing-song Kyoto accent chimed merrily.

"Of course I do, is there even a way to get rid of you?"

Pink lips twisted into a pouting expression that made Natsuki laugh.

"Dai suki.. Shizuru..."

The older girl blinked and then smiled.

"And I'm ever grateful...although, I do believe I may be owed dinner for damages incurred...?"

Natsuki shook her head as she grabbed hold of Shizuru's wrist to help her up onto the seat. She started the engine, and yelled out as arms wrap comfortably around her waist.

"Count on me _Oujosama_. "


End file.
